“NO! I won’t EAT IT unless it looks like STAR WARS!”

Happy Holidays, JKPeers! Deck the halls with Brandon, Josh, Harrison and Zack for one last Force Awakens discussion before the movie actually comes out and ruins everything forever. Maybe. Probably not. Who knows? Then, after the break, the discussion moves on to Nintendo patent speculation, our most embarrassing college stories, Fallout 4 experiences, and the highlights of this year’s Game Awards and PlayStation Experience. Plus– one or two (or three?) listener emails!

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Use Your Keyboard to Yell at Us

15 comments on “JKP! Ep.221: The Lucas Gravy Haze

  1. Dave (not Coulier) Dec 16, 2015

    Unfortunately, my expectations for Force Awakens is somewhat tempered so, like Harrison, I will give it some time to see in theaters. I was totally on the bandwagon for Phantom Menace and saw it midnight opening night. I remember walking out of the packed theater going, “That was awesome!” And driving home at 2 am saying to myself, “it was good, wasn’t it?” Seeing in an opening night crowd definitely altered my opinion of it.

    Although, there was a love of that first movie for a while before we all came to our senses. Brandon, only you and I will remember who you played in your walk on cameo in “Jelly Wars: Episode 1.”

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    • Dave (not Coulier) Dec 16, 2015

      My embarrassing college story happened my sophomore year. I was dating a girl who was working as a guard at the art museum that was attached to my school. She was guarding the modern art wing when I went to visit her. In there was a piece by Donald Judd, a minimalist sculptor, who had made a 3 foot tall box missing 2 sides made of brass. I was a stupid, impulsive 20 year old (I know a lot has changed, right?) so I decided to do a running slide through the box. I cleared through without injuring myself, but the little pointless button on corner of the pocket of my jeans put a nasty scratch all the way through the inside of the box. She saw the scratch and said, “oh my god, what did you do!?! Just get out here, just get out of here!” She changed her post without notifying her boss of the incident, and I hurried out of the museum before anyone could notice. She later quit that job. I then heard that the museum had to spend quite a bit of money to have the piece restored and installed security cameras in every gallery since they were just in the few where the more important pieces were. Damaging a pricy piece of art by being a cocky asshat in front of a girl is probably the most embarrassing thing I did at school…..that I’m willing to post for the world to see.

         1 likes

      • Patrick Dec 19, 2015

        Wow, mine is just that I was an ass and participated in a drinking competition. It started with Vodka, and when that ran out we moved to Gin/Rum and that’s when everything went wrong. I had so much that my friends at the time had to duct tape me to a chair in my apartment bathroom (they had a few and were apparently worried I would sleep face up and die) which lead to me painting the bathroom with vomit. Every surface from 4ft down was covered with some level of vomit. I woke up that morning and proceed to cleanup the horror, then had to go in for a double at the gas station. There are no photos intact of that night (of me or the scene of the crime at least) and I have yet to drink more than 4 alcoholic beverages in a single day because of that.

           1 likes

      • Dave (not Coulier) Dec 27, 2015
    • Was this Harrison this episode? He said he was updating something.

      http://tygerbug.tumblr.com/post/122545819738/hacker-voice-im-in-i-see-this-gif-a-lot

         1 likes

      • Yeah, pretty much. He’s working on the impending Volpin Props Patreon. Sorry about the clacka-clackas.

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        • Dave (not Coulier) Dec 18, 2015

          No worries. It’s almost a fun guessing game to figure out who’s foley it is. It’s like the mystery bing that happens very rarely now. I still don’t know what it is. It reminds me of the sound when I would rasp my knuckles on a support pole in my childhood basement. But you don’t have exposed support poles in your basement. Mystery bing.

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  2. I was on the freaking train when I heard Brandons story. I dont think I have ever tryed to hold my reaction inside that much before… gawd, that was painfull to listen and I dont know for who I felt more sorry.

    Now, since Im in college at the moment, something really weird happened to me this summer.

    While browsing various dating sites, I got a match and didnt think much about it, untill the girl started the conversation first! That never happens! We talked, had legit fun and I checked her out, whe was a bit on the strong side, but I didnt have an issue with that and we kept talking.

    The next day we talked some more and I actually really liked talking to her and she was the upfront sorta girl, so our talking took a different turn and for the first time ever, I was as blunt as it gets and just asked if whe would like to come over some time. She played around with words and we talked some more, then in 30 min, she mentioned she is actually considering it.

    She wasnt in town at that time, but she told me she might come in a month and we ended it at that.

    We kept talking for afew days and then she said, that she is coming to town. We decided to hook up, but she gave me a warning. “Im a little bigger” I said I dont mind that. “Im, am, bigger” I said it dosent look too bad from the pictures. I offered we go to a bar to meet eachother, but she said no.

    All hyped up, I go to pick her up and while walking we were talking on the phone to find eachother and then I got to the location, where I saw 2 girls. One had a kid and one didnt. One had a phone out and on didnt. Soon I realised… the girl lied, kinda. No full body pictures, all angles, weird lighting, discrete poses… She was big… not just big, but 3x my width. I legit didnt know what to do. I didnt want to offend her, didnt want to look like a douche, but she was so different in the pictures, that I was shocked. I wanted to call it off on the spot but… I didnt have sex for 2 years and was getting desperate. Fuck it, some guys say +sized wemen are better at sex than skinny ones and I decided… *gulp*… lets put it to the test.

    While walking to my dorm, it was awkward for me as hell, but I sticked to the plan and there was no going back.

    Got to the dorm and I took out some beer from the fridge to help loosen up, put on some music and then we debated for 30 minutes. Then I noticed this isnt working so I got out some wacky tobacky and hope it would help. It did for me, but she just blew smoke around, thats it. So, I had a beer and a smoke, I was relaxed as I was ever gonna be and I knew that if I dont do something now, Its gonna be really weird.

    Nope… she decided she wanted to lay on the bed… for 2 hours. My mood playlist went around 3 times by that time, I fell asleep 2 times ( no joke) and then I got sober. I was back to normal and everything was starting to feel so weird…

    Then, she finaly decided it was time and I could not be happier, but then I learned that she was wideer than the bed when she took her clothes of… she leaked over the bed…

    At that time, I decided to put my roommates bed and mine together and the rest, I’l leave it to the imagination.

    At the end, I asked her how old the pictures she had were… about 1-2 years and she is 19.
    That was the most awkward sex I ever had, besides the first time ofcourse and I would not do it again.

    I never spoke to her again after that…

    Online dating is hard…

       3 likes

  3. Devin Dec 19, 2015

    FYI Brandon,

    JKP is on android, and has been for years. There are several apps that skim itunes and allow us non-apple people to listen to your joyous show. I use podcast republic, but pick your favorite and blast it on the show.

       0 likes

  4. Metal Gear Apologist Dec 26, 2015

    I wrote a comment flawlessly explaining why Quiet is actually the peak of modern feminism, but it was for some reason considered spam and I’m not writing all that again, so you’ll just have to trust me when I say you’re wrong. I forgive you.

       0 likes

    • If it contained a BUNCH of video embeds, that might be why.

      Those usually go through our spam filter rather than being outright blocked, but I’m not seeing it on our backend at all. Sorry you had trouble uploading! If you send us an email, we’ll definitely read it on the show.

      Unless this is a joke post. I can’t even tell anymore.

         2 likes

      • Aleksi Dec 31, 2015

        I did write a comment and it did disappear into some internet black hole, the rest of it was a joke. Don’t worry about it, I still forgive you.

           1 likes

        • Aleksi Dec 31, 2015

          I guess you kind of had to be there and read the comment nobody but me read to get the joke.

             1 likes

  5. Drisen Dec 28, 2015

    Holy moly Brandon! That story was amazing. When you got to the end I had covered my face in embarrassment as if it were happening to me and just saying “Oh no, Oh no!”

    All of my college stories turned out remarkably well. We basically had an anti-frat house where we’d all known each other for years having gone to middle and high school together and decided that instead of pledging a frat or the like we’d hate them and throw better parties than they did. That worked out since our house was across the street from the football stadium and way closer to the dorms than the real frat houses. The closest to a terrible/embarrassing story was one insane party where 5 of us somehow ended up in the upper duck parking garage across the street with someone’s vacuum cleaner. We were using the house for the vacuum to shoot bottle rocket at the party. We get the terrific idea that if 1 bottle rocket is fun then 10 at once must be wonderful! We shoot them off as two cop cars speed by, with their windows open… 2-3 go in the window of the first car, 2-3 in the second car and the rest fly off. The cops flip around immediately and come peeling into the parking lot. As the biggest guy the vacuum cleaner gets shoved into my arms as everyone scatters. I looked around trying to figure out where to go as the first car rounds the corner with the cop yelling for two of my buddies to come back “or else”. They do and the three of us are standing there with the cop pointing his taser at us asking “WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?!” As we are standing there dumbfounded the second cop catches up and out gets on of our friends from high school. He comes over and talks to each of us a minute. He’d done stupid stuff like this with us before so there wasn’t much that needed to be explained. He then stepped to the other officer to try and smooth things over for us. I look towards the house across the street and see people filing out. I step towards the cops and the one freaks and tells me to back the fuck up. I toss my hands up and kind of point to the house where they see everyone rushing out. Our buddy tells us to go and says we are off the hook (the other cop was still pissed but eh). Apparently one of the rockets had managed to go in a window and land in a bedroom trash can filled with tissues and had turned into a pretty decent fire. Luckily two random people were hooking up in his bed while he was with us and they were able to put it out before it got really bad.

       2 likes

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