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JKP! Ep.216: Download a Table – Jump Kick Punch!

“What, did you fuck up slightly?”

Welcome to the Dogcast! This week’s show finds Brandon, Tom, Josh, Harrison, Eric and special guest Marina discussing some fresh-eyed impressions of Fire Emblem: Awakening, a disappointing review of Dragon Age: Inquisition’s “Trespasser” DLC, the delightful surprises of Undertale and the edutainment factor of The Martian. They also tackle a big ol’ bundle of listener emails… wherein you might discover things that make you go “m.

Intermission and outro music c/o Ben Briggs’ Twitch Jams, available here.




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12 comments on “JKP! Ep.216: Download a Table

  1. Brenden Oct 7, 2015

    Dear Josh,

    I am at the exact same spot in Fire Emblem, also I bought a DS and it’s the first Nintendo thing I’ve owned since the Gameboy color. The Nintendo web stores kinda blow and all the games are expensive.


  2. Okay Harrison, I may have started the would you rathers but I never go low-brow with them. So now that Brandon HAS to read every email, I feel like I should come up with some atrocious choices for you jork, donk, hompers.


  3. How common are hardwood floors in the states?Here 95% are hard wood or laminate, but f there is carpeting, its just decorative and can be removed with ease. also shoes? socks or slippers, never shoes in the house!

    Sub 15min episode name, bonus points for that. Josh and the spunk jokes, 2x bonus points for that, the old email song… all the points!!!

    Michael, I felt the exact same way! Since listening to this podcast has been such a big part of my life. I legit shed a tear while listening to the complements the show got, as they are legit. No fake bullshit, just regular ass people having a talk and loving every minute of it.

    I kinda like taping the ceiling, walls and everything, that must not get painted and I find enjoyable, as I have to focus and really think about howI do things and a realised that in a unusual way which is me being really sensitive to texture.

    Just like Harrison has a thing with… that thing, I ave with texture. While dusting, if I touch dust, I have to put it under water immediately, as my hand instantly feels dry. I cant stand hand creams or similar products, salt on my skin drives me crazy, touching a older, a bit rusty tool, that is will make me wanting to wash my hands and painting walls makes me physically sick!
    Not sure if the act of holding a brush, roller, dry paint, the act of painting or just vibration transfer from the brush touching the wall, but I just instantly start feeling sick.

    In light of all that, I apologize to Harrison for thinking his thing was any stranger then mine. Also the coaster thing, I also doit and thats why I hate them, unless they are a circle, so I can center my drink properly, but I do the same with all the plates, cooking things, utensils, computer (mine is exactly a few cm equally from the edges and the monitor is exactly in the optical middle of my window).

    Also, is the Marvel thing over, did I miss it?


  4. I saw Trevor Noah live a couple years ago at the Just For Laughs festival in Montreal. I got into his show by accident and he was probably my favourite act of the show. I also saw Pete Holmes, Moshe Kasher, Tig Notaro, Jimmy Carr, Kyle Kinane, and a ton more… I saw like a dozen shows and at least twice as many comedians in four days, it was intense, but, he was definitely the stand-out.

    We went to the wrong venue, expecting a variety show, so we were only a bit thrown seeing a man already on stage while the audience filed in. He sat in an armchair, in a track jacket and jeans, completely still and focused. When the show began and he stood, everyone was already dialled in. I had never heard of the man, but he started in on the fact he was mixed race and raised in Apartheid South Africa, the sad events of his childhood, having to walk on the opposite side of the street from his father and having to pretend to not know his mother when questioned by police (which was like a weekly occurrence) and it was FUCKING HILARIOUS. The whole crowd, many of them African transplants themselves (comedy fans know what the energy in a black room is like), were laughing at his frank yet optimistic delivery of each of these glimpses of inequality. “I was just a kid!” he’d say, “This was all very normal to me, so I wasn’t sad, I just thought that’s how it was!” it made the whole thing seem absurd and obvious to laugh about. Twenty enraptured minutes passed and in a moment of brilliant crowdwork where he toyed with an aeronautic engineer in the front row, me and my friend turned to each other, knowing we were at the wrong show, but, counting it as a stroke of mad luck, committed to stay till the end. As it turned out, all his shows were sold out and we had accidentally one of the hottest tickets at the fest. We accidentally the whole thing. And it was glorious. That act he was touring became his African American special which is viewable on Netflix, last I checked.

    His work really struck a cord with me because of my own “tragic” upbringing and mixed race dysphoria. He had done what I always struggle to do when describing my life to others and that’s directly needle the tension and bridge the gap between… it’s very hard to describe, god… between pity (which comes off patronizing and shallow, TRUST ME) and understanding or empathy; between being and outside observer and having a knee jerk reaction of utter sympathy, without really understanding the emotions the person is feeling, to being right there with him in the streets of Johannesburg, wondering about his mother’s silly insistence on having his father wave to them from from a distance. Between “oh my Goood that’s so sad what happened to you, your life is so unfortunate :””(” to “Man. Life is crazy, right?” which might seem glib, but to someone used to injustice it’s just another slice of life, and cloying “sympathy” just serves to make the speaker appear naive to a reality so many are living in every day. It screams “I don’t know how to/do not want to relate to what you just said so I am going to default into apologetic mode”. Though this is just my wild projection. Any of my fellow unfortunates wanna chime in?

    He is also the only person I’ve heard speak about the discomfort of being considered an entirely separate race from their main caregiver and parent, which is an acute and uncommon pain fairly unique to mixies of divorced parentage. My Mom is Asian and I am solidly white passing and vaguely ethnic at best, I still have trouble seeing my mother, or anyone else from my tribe, as Asian, they’re just… my people, my extended family. I have much weaker feelings towards my physically dominant Slavic half, whose culture and people I spent comparatively little time with. When I go out with my Mom, I have to make a point of referring to her as such in conversation before someone asks “so how do you know each other? Are you friends? Lovers? she’s your mother???? oh I see it now… (no I don’t)” or stories from my childhood where people would insist my Mother must be my nanny, not the one who pushed my out. Like, real arguments where people called her a liar, or where I’ve been called a liar for laying claim to my Asian heritage, or being told I’m “not really Asian” since my tribe doesn’t line up with the popular culture’s understanding of what Asian is. I’d love to hear Danny Pudi or President Obama chime in on this awkwardness. BUT I DIGRESS.

    He was already a pretty well known celebrity in his home country by the time I watched him preform, and had just embarked on building his reputation in America. I was delighted to hear about his addition to the Daily Show as a correspondent soon after the festival and even more surprised and elated when he took over the show completely. He knows like six different languages, has travelled the world, has a vastly different perspective from every single other late night host, who are invariably Famous White Dudes, and Usually American, which isn’t a knock on their part, it’s just… very homogeneous. Even John Oliver is arguably and American comic now, considering he’s been working there for over ten years. Noah has been here for less than five.

    I’m not at all concerned about his ability to make light of the grinding darkness that eventually unseated Stewart, though to be honest I think the schedule is probably what took it’s toll after a while, fifteen years of twelve hour days, four to five days a week? For most of the year? Fuuuuuck that. Anyone would be worn down, not everybody can be a Letterman, you know?

    This has been; Maya makes everyone uncomfortable by discussing race and using the word tribe while looking as European as she does and talks way to much about mixed race politics no one gives a damn about.



    (no, it won’t embed, you just have to to to it.)


    • Dave (not Coulier) Oct 10, 2015

      Maya, your comment on being biracial really struck a chord with me. Also, that tribunal in the video lives in my brain. I feel fortunate I never had the issue of people confusing my father’s patronage, his skin and hair color are decidedly Japanese, but my resemblance to him is noticeable. Although I am easily distinguished as white, I do have some Asian facial characteristics (slightly hooded eyelids, bone structure). Growing up as a chubby wiener kid has created some misidentification (“no, I’m not Samoan. I’m Japanese and fat”).

      Trevor Noah is a very poinant choice to replace Jon Stewart and I believe he will hit as soon as he is forced to drop the funny facade in reaction to some important event relating to The U.S.’ racial tensions of late. When he brings his history with South Africa to whatever it might be, he will connect with the Daily Show audience the way Stewart did in such a personal and visceral way to make a great impact.


  5. damiyakawa Oct 10, 2015

    This one is slightly disturbing. Viewer discretion is advised.



  6. aleksi Oct 17, 2015

    So, did Harrison not play the Descent DLC for Dragon Age or did he just forget?


  7. Bunta Mike Oct 18, 2015

    OMG! Until Dawn alone in a cabin is pure nightmare fuel!!! I still believe that game developers need to put a large sticker on the front cover of games that will not run without an online update, (because not 100% of game consumers have online). Tony Hawk 5 shipped with just a tutorial on disc. The game wasn’t even available unless you go online and download. Metal Gear Solid V on the PC was just a steam key. This is inexcusable behavior. BTW, Until Dawn was one of the best games this year. It plays like a Telltale game with an insane budget and real consequences, (you can’t go back and reload a level if you don’t like your outcome).


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