JKP Presents: Gamescom 2012, Starring Nik the Unpronounceable: Day 1

August 18, 2012

Hi everyone! Just like he did a while back for London Comic Con, fan extraordinaire Nik the Unpronounceable has gone to Gamescom and brought back impressions and pictures to share with the class. And just like last time, I will be ruining all his pictures and hard work in general by being a sarcastic asshole throughout. So strap in and enjoy the ride! 

Well here we are again, it´s always such a pleasure, to try all the games that will be mine. And that´s pretty much what I feel…as well as confusion and exhaustion, as I have seen the the entire convention in the first day and all I can say is, wtf was everybody thinking.

Looks like there was poor judgement all around on day one.

So this is my second year at GamesCom and the very first thing I noticed was that the exact same companys were at the exact same locations, except they were placed in such a way that you could not see half of the games. How you ask?  Branding. It was everywhere and since the companies had their spaces rented out in the way that they wanted, in some cases you did not know for which game the line is for, or if it is even a line.

“Is… Is this the line for the bathrooms? Are those Need For Speed toilets? Why isn’t anyone helping me?”

CoD: Blops 2 had 2 seperate lines, both full  3 times over, but 1 was the regular line, the other was VIP and you would only see that at the entrance, so there was a big chance of wasting your time. Perfect!

Then you remember the name of likely the biggest game this year will be named “CODBLOPS” and you giggle to yourself

Just like Take2, ea had the exact same setup. Big ass screen, stage, games around it bla bla bla, but if you warent playing attention, or walked around every posible booth, you would have missed Crysis 3,which was the only reason to got to the EA location.

If you look very carefully, you can see a Gamescom logo in this picture.

But anywho, games! There were a lot of them, so where can we start…Playstation. There is a Harry Potter magic themed thing (not officially HP) with the ball on the stick remote and QR card on the floor and people just seemed bored playing it. Sly Cooper looks great, totally missed the Last of us, Cod: Blops Declassified is also there apparently and then there is Playstation All Stars. That game is so strange and it´s quite difficult to describe it, but it´s safe to say that Nintendo has nothing to worry about.

We asked Nik to take a picture of the exact opposite of Playstation All-Stars. So excited you guys.

Arma 3 looks great, but has me worried, as the game was played on probably powerful PCs and it played as a really fast, just horrible, but they did fix the UI a bit, so thats good.

This game is going to get overshadowed by CODBLOPS, because it’s not named CODBLOPS.

Lego lord of the rings fun, even for a non LoTR fas like me.

Hahaha, for real Germany? No, when your translation of “Lord of the Rings” turns into the sound someone makes immediately following getting hit in the face with a shovel, you have to start your language over.

Worms Revolution is another 2D worms game, except they added water physics, more weapons and different looking looking worms (fat, skinny, big head and classic), which I think move at diferent speeds and jump differently (high jump, long jump).

Half of the titles on this list are real games, and half are titles Jonathan Blow came up with to fuck with people.

Now what really caught me off guard was XCOM the strategy version, for which I waited 20 min in line, just because I had no other plans and as I watched people play it before me, it seemed boring and slow, but then I grabbed the PC version of the game (consoles and pc) and it was amazing. Other players said, that this is a sequel true to the original, so now let´s wait and see what happens to the FPS version.

The little balcony is there so the 2K representative can much more easily pee on X-Com fans.

So now comes the part of talking to the developers and that is a challenge in itself. Unlike last year, anybody that had anything to do with the game, was at the business part of the convention and official press only, so I shall have to wait 1-2 more days till that closes to have any hope of an interview.

Nik managed to get a snapshot of Germany’s most famous crimefighting duo, Seamus McMagicthegathering and his sidekick Flopsy.

This does it for day 1, with 2-3 more days coming (depending if I get to see/play something) and just so you don´t say I didn´t give you anything, here is random free steam game for 1 lucky reader: HMB6N-VD9NQ-EMWAP

What´s that? You want virus protection? How about a 1 year free McAfee Internet Security licence: ZUH6E-AZ293-4C2BL-M2ZU4-ABHB4

Nik out!

See? Look at that. You get game news, hilarious commentary, and someone got some free stuff. Never let it be said that we don’t have the best fans in the world. Stay tuned for the rest of Gamescom from Nik!

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4 comments on “JKP Presents: Gamescom 2012, Starring Nik the Unpronounceable: Day 1

  1. Brandon Aug 18, 2012

    Joking aside, that Sam & Max duo is rather successfully tickling my fancy.


    • It took me a second to even realise what they were, but by far the most original cosplay at the con… yet


  2. Andrew Aug 20, 2012

    Just letting everyone know the steam code is no longer valid so don’t bother entering it.


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