San Diego Comic-Con Headlines: Stuff You Missed

August 5, 2011

If you’ve been to Comic-Con before, you know that it’s impossible to see, hear, and smell everything amidst the four-day whirlwind of comics, movies, and desperate C-list celebrities. Because it’s such a relentless circus of announcements and events, it’s not rare for notable things to slip right through the cracks. Here are some important headlines and news bites you might have missed over that four-day  weekend:

 

Things got off to a shaky start when the convention center refused to open for preview night. Con staff, adorned in togas and laurel wreaths, addressed the crowd from within, announcing that the doors would only open “after first blood has been spilled.”

 

Lucasfilm announced another exciting extra to be included in the upcoming Blu-Ray re-release of Star Wars: four hours of George Lucas staring directly into the camera and slowly setting fire to individual $10 bills.

 

Felicia Day unofficially announced that she is still adorable. Because of course she did.

 

Due to a poor turnout, the “Ten Years of Zach Braff” self-moderated appreciation panel was abruptly canceled. When asked for commentary, Zach Braff made a face like “whaaat?” and it was hilarious.

 

There was this one cosplayer who was just, man, she was amazing. No idea what character she was dressed as, but man. You should have seen her.

 

As is the new tradition, several locations and businesses in downtown San Diego were co-opted by television networks and themed around popular shows. Among the biggest hits were the True Blood Rib Shack/Sex Shop combo and the Entourage Planned Parenthood Clinic.

 

Peter Dinklage, while celebrating at a local bar, challenged any and every man in the house to a bare-knuckle brawl. This challenge was met with unanimous acceptance. The fight is still raging on with no signs of stopping and may affect the production of Game of Thrones’ second season.

 

The winner of the Comic-Con Masquerade, a man impressively disguised as a lumbering cave troll, was later revealed to be a lost and rather confused Guillermo del Toro who was simply trying to find his hotel room.

 

Doctor Who fans will finally have one of their most important questions answered when the series is relaunched next year as Doctor Steven.

 

A Vegeta cosplayer was spotted crouching in a corner of Hall H and complaining about the amount of mustard in his six-inch sub. We are told this is still within canon.

 

Emma Watson and Emma Stone, two of modern-day geekdom’s hottest names, have been cast as bickering partner art thieves in a new film titled The Emma Dilemma. [Ed. Note – Hollywood: call me.]

 

DC Comics proudly announced a new initiative to focus on its strengths as a publisher: making shocking announcements and generating huge buzz. These announcements will not be followed by any actual comic publications, saving thousands on production and printing costs.

 

DC is also attempting to revitalize Superman’s waning popularity by making some radical changes to his character: He now has no parents, is not married to Lois Lane, can no longer fly, fights for the U.S. military, carries a shield, and will be called Captain America.

 

A long line of Twilight fans, gathered outdoors well in advance of the panel, was asked to relocate itself indoors before members explained that they were actually queuing-up in anticipation of next year’s Twilight panel, should one be announced. Other participants were heard to comment, “WOOOOO!!”

 

Nicholas Cage was spotted being Nicholas Cage.

 

Riding a wave of mounting enthusiasm and excitement on Saturday afternoon, Comic-Con attendees seized control of the convention center and officially seceded from California, declaring the surrounding area to be the new state of South Geekota. J.J. Abrams currently resides as governor and is seeking a peaceful resolution to the endless Peter Dinklage brawl.

 

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