Tom: Let us begin.
Tom: With a prayer.
Brandon: Oh lord
Tom: Dear Nintendo Jesus. (Feel free to pray,too)
Brandon: who art Nintendo
Brandon: Nin…tendo be thy name.
Tom: Thy… Mushroom Kingdom Come….
Brandon: HD be done
Tom: Thy… Wii be done…
Brandon: hahaha Wii is way better
Brandon: your’s is better
Brandon: Thy Wii be DONE
Brandon: get it OUT of here
Tom: On… TVs as everyone-has-HD-already-get-with-the-program
Brandon: …on Earth as it is in the Nokia theater of downtown Los Angeles California.
Tom: Yours is more formal we will go with that.
Tom: Constructive prayer.
Brandon: Just being clear, here.
Tom: A new trend. We did it first.
Brandon: So, okay.
Brandon: They will start with a Skyward Sword trailer.
Brandon: I am sure of this.
Tom: They will start with something about a 3DS. That’s my prediction.
Tom: “How’s that Street Pass? HMM? COOL!”
Brandon: I think it’ll go 1) Wii farewell lineup announcements
Brandon: 2) 3DS titles, finally
Brandon: and 3) Here’s the new shit.
Tom: Sounds pretty good.
Brandon: Also Josh is supposed to be over here with me, but he’s late as always.
Tom: what time is it?
Tom: oh its 5pm woops
Tom: HEYOO JOKES
Brandon: We do those,
Brandon: What do you think, a launch Mario?
Tom: New FPS Metroid is a pie in the sky hope.
Brandon: Launch Zelda the is just Skyward Sword?
Brandon: Launch Zelda that is NOT Skyward Sword?
Brandon: MADE BY RETRO?
Tom: Man I hope a new Retro title is announced. Love them.
Brandon: There will be, according to the word on the street.
Brandon: The street knows its shit.
Tom: Hmm. I dont see Mario on a launch for it.
Tom: They’d be dumb not to. But I don’t see it.
Tom: They have a trend of bad launches.
Brandon: Official Nintendo site stream went live
Brandon: you have to enter your age
Brandon: how strange
Tom: watching livestream.com’s version
Tom: People still filing in.
Tom: I wonder how many people there are like “Yes. We know ALL of these. We’re all 30 years old.”
Brandon: Are they all Nintendo questions?
Tom: I believe so.
Tom: All Zelda/Mario/Etc related.
Brandon: I hope people are screaming out answers.
Tom: Some are related to systems, like “What was first appearance of DK on the SNES”
Brandon: AS GOOD AS IT GETS
Brandon: Updated my 3DS last night. Got the eShop.
Brandon: Played some Excite Bike.
Tom: Um. Whoo how many Fox McClouds is Andross’s Dad 3DS Nintendogs?
Tom: Answer that.
Tom: Good answer.
Brandon: (Nailed it.)
Tom: How is excite bike for the 100th time?
Brandon: (I am so good at Nintendo.)
Brandon: It sure is Excite Bike.
Brandon: OOP there’s the room.
Brandon: Live just switched to actual footage.
Tom: Ah, Gamespot has a pretty great view of the whole room at the moment
Brandon: Haha music played for all of three seconds.
Brandon: HERE WE GO
Brandon: IT STARTS
Brandon: Are you seeing this guy, or is that just the official Nintendo thing?
Tom: I see nothing right now
Tom: Just empty stage.
Brandon: Welp, I’m watching this terrible guy shill their social networks.
Brandon: they JUST got a facebook page.
Tom: Oh yippie.
Brandon: This is the worst pre-roll.
Brandon: START IT
Tom: 5 minutes late and you’re breaking
[vsw id=”4FWqG7AUntM” source=”youtube” width=”640″ height=”390″]
Tom: HERE we go.
Brandon: Hahaha oh wow
Brandon: the audio is TOTALLY fucked up on my end
Brandon: Somebody at Nintendo is SUPER fired.
Brandon: I can’t hear any of this music.
Brandon: THERE it goes.
Brandon: That was terrible.
Brandon: This is great.
Brandon: REMEMBER WHEN
Brandon: ALL THAT STUFF HAPPENED
Brandon: IN HYRULE
Tom: Sure do, Nintendo.
Brandon: LINK, I’M PREGNANT
Tom: Nice showing footage of the Re-make
Brandon: THERE’S A BOMB STRAPPED TO EPONA
Tom: This is boring me. A lot.
Brandon: Appreciate our culture, Tom.
Brandon: Video games.
Tom: Well I do. But I played all of these.
Tom: I get it. Link is a badass. Also I get that I haven’t seen a NEW Zelda since 2006/2007.
Tom: There we go.
Brandon: Oh wow
Brandon: Awesome stage
Brandon: MIYAMOTOOOOOOO onstage
Brandon: Our man.
Brandon: HRRMMRMMRMM ZERUDA
Tom: Shh brandon
Tom: I was gonna say RESIST THE URGE.
Brandon: oh boy
Brandon: Remember last year
Tom: There we go. Thank you.
Brandon: Theme song!
Brandon: …Wii Music 2?
Brandon: Is that what he’s… talking about…
Brandon: …music is very important, he says.
Brandon: Oh, more live music!
Tom: Are you kidding. They wouldn’t put Wii Music anywhere near Zelda.
Brandon: Hahaha the puzzle chime.
Brandon: I think I love this.
Brandon: ITEM GET
Brandon: Hahaha I love Miyamoto
Brandon: He is such a goofball.
Tom: He loves his job.
Brandon: Little hiccup there.
Brandon: At least they just played the wrong song.
Brandon: For a second.
Brandon: And it wasn’t a full-scale demo fuck up.
Brandon: OH NEAT
Brandon: LINK’S AWAKENING VIRTUAL CONSOLE
Brandon: …Nintendo DSi?
Brandon: FREE DOWNLOAD
Tom: Man you are behind.
Brandon: Man I am TYPING
Brandon: oh thank god.
Tom: Not just here.
Brandon: Skyward Sword for Wii confirmed.
Brandon: Not gonna lie, I kind of… want that one.
Brandon: For that… one game.
Tom: Its gold, man.
Brandon: (fart noise)
Tom: Cant pass it up.
Brandon: Maybe it’s a bundle.
Tom: nice. Finally gameplay coming to our screens.
Tom: How many dollars will you spend on that, Brandon.
Brandon: In each Region. Maybe the South?
Brandon: (Maybe not that at all.)
Tom: Probably East/West Coast. Who knows.
Brandon: oh wow, FREE soundtrack CD gift just for registering early with Club Nintendo
Brandon: Club Nintendo is getting better and better here in the states.
Brandon: Here’s the dev team.
Brandon: Clap for the dev team.
Brandon: CLAP FOR THEM.
Brandon: CLAP FOR AONUMA-SAN
Tom: Brandon. You are important.
Brandon: THANK YOU
Tom: No see you’re supposed to say “you’re welcome”
Brandon: SHIT I dishonored them
Brandon: god I am so bad at being Japanese
Brandon: SATORO IWATA TO BEN FOLDS MUSIC
Brandon: BECAUSE WHY NOT
Tom: Remember. Restraint.
Brandon: Shhh, shh,
Brandon: Inside typing voice.
Tom: Coming 2012
Tom: Shit, I was wrong.
Brandon: You were close.
Brandon: Oh man
Tom: He’s the new dev.
Brandon: So soon? New console?
Brandon: I’m getting turned on over here.
Tom: I’m getting creeped out by you.
Brandon: Don’t fight it.
Brandon: Just relax
Brandon: So their goal
Brandon: is to literally please everyone evrywhere.
Tom: Spread that Mario super thin.
Brandon: And deep.
Tom: The Mario who pleases families and LOVES CHICKS AND GUNS
Brandon: And wiiiiiiide.
[vsw id=”mbV99b-qir0″ source=”youtube” width=”640″ height=”390″]
Tom: Love that stage.
Brandon: AWESOME STAGE
Tom: Oh they did it.
Brandon: DO A BARREL ROLL
Brandon: Fuck, best stage presence so far.
Brandon: YES TANOOKI SUIT
Tom: You are… very very biased
Tom: Nintendo is your bread and butter.
Tom: This is great.
Brandon: LUIGI’S MANSION 2
Brandon: shut up, Halo boy.
Brandon: We hear you.
Brandon: We always hear you.
Tom: Which you played.
Brandon: There’s Regie’s boob grab hands.
Tom: WareWays coming 2012
Tom: So many new products
[vsw id=”-vxk3sqYBVA” source=”youtube” width=”640″ height=”390″]
Brandon: God I love Mario Kart.
Brandon: TRICKED OUT
Tom: if the glider is any indication on the tricks
Tom: then thats neat i guess
Tom: yep there it is
Brandon: HANGLIDER MOTHER FUCKER
Brandon: JAMES BOND KARTS CONFIRMED
Tom: Man wait till you hear the title…
Brandon: oh god camn
Brandon: custom karts
Tom: HK tricked me with his title of it
Tom: “Mario Kart: Again”
Brandon: I am 8,000x sold.
[vsw id=”qnNi9NH1Sm0″ source=”youtube” width=”640″ height=”390″]
Brandon: On to Starfox.
Brandon: Buttons or accelerometer.
Brandon: (Buttons, please.)
Brandon: (Thank you.)
Brandon: You can wear that little crown, Tom.
[vsw id=”lNKcY1eMnLw” source=”youtube” width=”640″ height=”390″]
Brandon: Heeeere’s MARIO
Tom: I like his little kicky legs
Tom: I feel like the close-view is a little chlostrophobic
Brandon: Triple Infinity Sold.
Brandon: Suits you can retain.
Brandon: Boom Boom is back.
[vsw id=”rE8jqCsD5aY” source=”youtube” width=”640″ height=”390″]
Brandon: hahaha whoa
Tom: This looks like Kingdom Hearts on Angel Crack
Brandon: It totally does.
Brandon: And, despite togas and angel wings
Brandon: far less gay, somehow.
Tom: My stream died
Brandon: More AR cards!
Brandon: Uh oh, Tom.
Tom: Oh good so im not missing anything
Brandon: You’re missing all this KID ICARUS ACTION
Brandon: Looks like KI comes with new cards
[vsw id=”TMXkYhdEDjU” source=”youtube” width=”640″ height=”390″]
Tom: This is pretty cool.
Tom: I imagine Luigi on the 3DS is perfect.
Brandon: Yeah, totally.
Brandon: I thought the Wiimote was BEGGING for that
Brandon: but this seems even better.
Tom: That’d be asking for game death, I think.
Tom: Like HEY NEW CONSOLE
Tom: btw here’s a throw away game.
[vsw id=”yFPgSNa3MIw” source=”youtube” width=”640″ height=”390″]
Brandon: Third parties!
Brandon: Imagine that!
Brandon: CUE THE MONTAGE
Tom: ffff sega
Brandon: god dammit, Olympics
Tom: NEW RESIDENT EVIL
Brandon: Nice to see them label the actual game titles
Brandon: Sony didn’t do that with theor 3rd party montage
Tom: Wow. Took you guys long enough
Brandon: IMAGINE THAT
Brandon: they had them with the DS/Wii
Brandon: they just weren’t… great.
Brandon: Had to really work to get them.
Tom: Which you played.
Brandon: sure is excitebike
Brandon: it IS one of the biggest franchises
Tom: AR Pokemon
Tom: Calling it
Brandon: it’s a pokedex that can also work like AR cards
Tom: Oh no I meant like
Brandon: It’s already up.
Brandon: Got it last night.
Tom: Looking on the ground.
Tom: And you can see it
Brandon: I caught them all, Tom.
Tom: You didn’t.
Tom: I know you didnt.
Tom: You’re a Poke-liar
Brandon: ..I did.
Brandon: I can;t… show you them
Tom: Haha Yep. That’s exactly what I said.
Tom: IT better be goddamn free.
Brandon: It is.
Tom: Oh thank you. Such a great gift.
Tom: Sooooo muuuuuch.
Brandon: Heeeere we go
Brandon: uh oh
Tom: You think?
Tom: THE UHS
Tom: THE YOUGUYS
Brandon: uh oh
Brandon: THE NINTENDO ABSOLUTELY
Brandon: OH JESUS
Tom: DOCK DOCK DOCK PLEASE
Brandon: NO HARRISON
Tom: HAHA BARF
Tom: nice tablet
Tom: iPad for babies.
[vsw id=”4e3qaPg_keg” source=”youtube” width=”640″ height=”390″]
Tom: GO HERNANDEZ
Tom: cant wait to draw link on my tablet
Brandon: totally the Nintendo iPad
Brandon: How about that graphics boost, guys
Tom: If that stuff works, that would be cool.
Tom: So it’s a pocket Wii.
Brandon: PLEASE don’t be a dock
Brandon: oh please
Brandon: This is not how I want
Brandon: to play anything
Brandon: at all
Tom: This thing is nearly 100% an ipad
Brandon: PLEASE LET THAT BE A REAL ZELDA GAME
Brandon: ohhh please don’t be a dock
Brandon: pray for me
Tom: DOCK DOCK DOCK DOCK!
Brandon: NO, THE OTHER WAY
Tom: SO EXCITED FOR DOCK TIME
Brandon: Harrison said it first, actually.
Tom: Now I just want it more.
Brandon: that Zelda
Brandon: be real
Tom: Because of that correction.
Tom: You can only play it via the dock.
Tom: Oh wow that is BULLSHIT
Brandon: It is a portable not a portable.
Brandon: Man they sure are
Tom: Well that HD Zelda looked great. See you in 5 years, New HD Zelda.
Brandon: It’ll get bumped to the NEXT next console
Brandon: please just
Brandon: show like, a game
Brandon: for it
Tom: games arent important to them yet
Brandon: Josh is thinking this is just the controller.
Brandon: And says “why don’t U get to the point?”
Brandon: Instead of “numerous, numerous ways to play”
Tom: Well its just a streaming device. So now we need to see WHAT is streaming the stuff.
Brandon: can we just have one GOOD one?
Brandon: MASH FOR BOTH
Brandon: Oh you massive
Tom: Well he knows he has you.
Brandon: Tech demo parade
Brandon: please be awesome
[vsw id=”jSm-wZ8u4Yc” source=”youtube” width=”640″ height=”390″]
Brandon: is this
Tom: This is a demo.
Tom: Like…. remember how I freaked about the Unreal 3 thing?
Brandon: well sure but is it all bullshit or is this real in-game stuff?
Tom: that’s exactly what this is
Brandon: I know, exactly why I’m suspicious
Tom: like “Hey if you dont have to play a game you can make a bird video”
Brandon: Super Mario Bros Mii??
Brandon: Josh will play as Hitler.
Brandon: He confirms.
Brandon: Pirate arrows, Tom!
Brandon: Look out!
Tom: cant wait to throw my wiiU around and break it
Tom: blocking arrows
Brandon: bringing Tag
Brandon: to the NEXT GENERATION
Brandon: the first game
Brandon: you announce
Brandon: is a LEGO GAME
Tom: Nintendo doesn’t do launches.
Tom: They do 2nd conference
Brandon: is that seriously
Brandon: the ONLY THING
Brandon: you have
Tom: get out of here UBISOFT guy
Brandon: Remember last year
Brandon: when they had a montage of developers
Tom: Ken Levine is also making tons of money now making things for every system.
Brandon: saying how great the 3DS was
Brandon: THird parties!
Brandon: My god
Brandon: it’s full of stars
Tom: Well where are the games tho….
Tom: for that 3DS
Brandon: Where was THAT montage?
Tom: Oh hey its that game thats gonna be on PS3 and XBOX
Tom: Oh nice. Metro is great!
Brandon: There’s your shooters, fellas.
Brandon: NOW we like Tekken
Tom: An actual CHEER!
Tom: Out of that whole lineup.
Tom: 1 cheer.
Brandon: What do you think
Brandon: one final trailer for a Nintendo game?
Brandon: What are your odds.
Brandon: Mario or Zelda?
Brandon: FInal call.
Brandon: …oh, good, EA
Tom: Oh shit dude.
Tom: ME 3 on Wii.
Brandon: Heeere we go
Tom: EA is probably the biggest partner they could get.
Brandon: Harry potter, tom!
Tom: Dude I like the movies not the games
Tom: Unless its the Lego one
Tom: Lego HP is fun.
Brandon: no direct confirmation of ME3 or anything
Tom: yeah its all a “What if”
Tom: Ugh 4 platforms fuck offfffff
Tom: The way we innovate is by tricking you into buying a new system EVERY YEAR
Brandon: The Nintendo WEEOOWEEOOWEEOOWEEOO
Tom: THATS IT?!
Brandon: That is it.
Brandon: Everyone get out.
Tom: Started off great and ended in a whimper.
Brandon: They basically said
Brandon: “so someday there’ll be a Mario”
Brandon: “Someday a Smash Bros.”
Tom: Everyone flipped out last year when they pulled that with the 3DS.
Tom: I think its safe to say no one fell for that bullshit this year.
Brandon: “But nothing official today.”
Brandon: “Also, some gigantic cock tease footage of a Zelda with no name and nothing.”
Tom: Didn’t they do that before?
Tom: With the Wii or something.
Tom: Anywho I’m gonna go get food now. That was sure an underwhelming ending.
Brandon: No kidding
Brandon: 3DS first party stuff looks great.
Brandon: Where the fuck were those third party titles??
Brandon: Have a good lunch, Tom.
[vsw id=”0JElywbkSbY” source=”youtube” width=”640″ height=”390″]
For a more detailed and in-depth analysis of Nintendo’s new home console and controller combo, be sure to listen to this week’s Post-Press-Conference Podcast with Brandon, Tom, Josh and Harrison!